Just like with Freddy vs Jason (2003), which my cousin Damo so expertly reviewed last week here, I was not too fussed about reviewing the remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010). And why would you want to read my boring old review, when you have this. Eric from Isaacs Picture Conclusions and Zoe from The Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger chewing the fat about the film over email. Safe to say Zoe hated it, whilst Eric seems a little hung up on some bloke called Clancy Brown who I can only presume is an Irish folk singer from the 1950s. Not sure of the connection there.

Also, apologies for the craptastic formatting on this. Zoe and Eric sent it to me all pretty like, but I busted it transferring it across to WordPress.

theipc.me ei@theipc.me
Mar 12 (6 days ago)

to Zoë

HI ZOE!!!!!!

So Tim, over at Beer Movie is looking for a piece on the Nightmare reboot – you fucking hated that thing right???
Zoee Mar 12 (6 days ago)

Like the worst fucking thing ever!
theipc.me ei@theipc.me
Mar 12 (6 days ago)

to Zoë

LOLOLOLOL!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I didn’t hate it that much but I’ve only ever seen a couple of them. What did you hate so much??? You have to give it up a little for Clancy Brown! No??

Zoë
Mar 12 (6 days ago)

to me

Pfffff…

I hope among that couple that you have seen is the 1984 one, because that one was a solid entry!

Pretty sure one of these dudes is that Clancy guy Isaacs has a thing for. Proabably one of the ones with a pipe

First off, the entire film is a travesty. I mean that in the truest sense of the word. It completely desecrated everything that Freddy Krueger represented. Freddy was all wrong. I cannot stress this enough. When I think Krueger I think Robert Englund. Dark comedy (though it wasn’t always so), striped sweater, bad burns, “bitch” being uttered left, right, and centre, crazy dream sequences and not taking himself too seriously. Also, the mythos were completely fucked with. Nobody felt compassion for Freddy when they burned him to death. I swear, nobody was defending him. Let us not even go into the blatant ripping off of the old school scenes, churning them out as if they should be new and awesome and just missing the point completely. It was one of the worst reboots ever, and it still galls me to think about it.

I would love to know why you didn’t hate it… (and don’t hide behind the fact that you hadn’t seen many of the others)?

Zoë
________________________________________
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2014 12:10:05 -0500
Subject: Re: Nightmare on Elm Street 2010

theipc.me ei@theipc.me
Mar 12 (6 days ago)

to Zoë

LOL!!! When have I ever hidden from you, JB????

I had only ever seen the first two – in the theaters before your were even born (HAHAHAHAHA #love) – when I saw this one (I’ve since seen the third one with the penis worm we all got a good laugh at). I don’t know – I guess on my blog I watch a lot of very low quality SHIT movies that totally suck butt. I thought this thing looked decent enough, had some good looking actors and decent enough effects. I also liked that it wasn’t filled with a bunch of bullshit corny one-liners that came to be associated with Freddy and……………… –> CLANCY BROWN!!!!

I did NOT like Jackie Earl Haley though. This is the truth.

Also – I am currently getting screamed at on a three hour conference call about Caller ID problems. Have you ever gotten screamed at on a three hour conference call about Caller ID problems. If so, you’d appreciate NoES a little more.

I think.
Zoë
Mar 13 (5 days ago)

to me

Bwahahaha! Yeah alright, true that, I will give you that!

Yeah, yeah, #love. Oh yes, who can ever forget the infamous penis worm? Yeah, you do, but this one is right up there for me. Took itself waaaaaaaaay too seriously and just fucked up a whole lot of good stuff. Meh, it didn’t work for me. You know I bitched more watching this than I did throughout the Potter movies? My other half was shocked! No wait now… Freddy had some hardcore one liners, what are you even on about! 😛 I take it you are a fan?

Hmmmmm… he was not the greatest but certainly not the biggest pitfall of this piece of crap remake.

I have honestly never been screamed at about Caller ID problems on a three hour conference call… that sounds freaking awful… probably still not as painful as this shitty movie. I think.

Can you believe it holds a 5.2 score on IMDB? What the fuck world?!

Zoë
________________________________________
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2014 12:34:54 -0500

theipc.me ei@theipc.me
8:41 AM (0 minutes ago)

to Zoë

Sorry I got behind on this!!!! That SHITFEST Social we did wore me clean out!!!

I get that it took itself too seriously – I do hate when movies are like that. Everybody just needs to lighten up, right? What did Cheri Oteri’s character say in SOUTHLAND TALES?? “The world would be a better place if everyone just got more cardio…” I don’t know… I didn’t hate it and I think that’s all I’ve got. You know what I did hate??? That second Rob Zombie HALLOWEEN!! Screw that fucker!!! But we’re not here to talk about that..

Zoë
8:56 AM (0 minutes ago)

to me

Phew! Totally don’t blame you there! That was just way too much fun considering the source material!

More cardio… maybe that is what this needed. Hahahaha. Yeah, I see that you don’t hate it, and that I despise it and that I can bitch about it endlessly but let us not go into it too much here some more. It is crap, it messed with decades worth of material, it defiled everything that it was and was a completely reboot. Screw it. I will just be quiet. If people want to read more extensively on what I had to say, they can check out my Shitfest entry here or the review I wrote on my blog over here.

No, we’re not… but I can see that that is a series we should maybe get involved with together… from the beginning all the way through!

Zoë
________________________________________
Date: Tue, 18 Mar 2014 08:41:13 -0500

theipc.me ei@theipc.me
8:59 AM (0 minutes ago)

to Zoë

WE TOTALLY SHOULD!!!!!

Summer Project!!!!!!

See ya!!!

There you have it folks. Thanks so much to Zoe and Eric for reviewing the film for me. I am sure you already read their stuff, but on the off chance you don’t, hit up Zoe’s site The Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger and Eric’s refined musings at Isaacs Picture Conclusions.

If you haven’t read them yet, check out my thoughts on all of the canon Elm Street films. Here they are in my order of preference:

1. A Nightmare on Elm Street
2. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
3. Wes Craven’s New Nightmare
4. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child
5. Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare
6. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge
7. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master.